January 18, 2012

Who was it that said, “you’ll never race again”?  Oh yea, that was my ex-husband and along with those words came a beating with a baseball bat not to mention the times he threw me over a tub, tackled me to the floor, tried to run me down with a truck, threatened to kill me, kicked my knees, tried to break my back, gave me black eyes and countless other injuries over the shortlived marital NON-BLISS.  Guess I’m showing him.  Oh wait! There was this pastor that said I wasn’t suppose to take my marriage problems outside of the home or that Dr. that said sometimes you just have to accept how things are and replace your hobbies with new ones.  Yes, I have encountered some of the less encouraging people in this world, but it is time to thank the ones who have encouraged me and stood by me, even if I did moan, groan and feel sorry for myself along the way.

Sometimes it is hard to get over things, but then again, sometimes it just takes time.  Who is anyone to judge how much time one needs to move on and get their groove back?  Certainly not me!  I’m about to turn the big 5-o this year and I finally feel like my old self again, only a newer and much wiser, richer, content version.  I wasn’t always able to say that I learned life’s lessons, but I can finally say “I get it!”  It isn’t about me, it is about my Higher Power.  God’s Grace and Mercy.

As a kid, I was told my biological father apparently sold me and my two sisters  for the cost of a bottle of booze.  And they wonder why I have “daddy issues”.  Being beaten with a belt and thrown down the stairs as a kid was nothing compared to my early teens when I was  raped by a youth pastor and threatened by my mother–“now your father is going to jail because he is going after that guy and he will get arrested because you told him what happened to you.”  ‘Daddy issues’ once again resurrected.  Thank you mom!  When I think back on it, my dad was more of a comfort in tough times then my mom.  When I refer to dad, I mean my adoptive father, cause he is my real dad.  Just because someone has a biological father, doesn’t make him a daddy.  It just makes him a part of your life and  part of your blood.  I certainly didn’t get very good blood relative feelings growing up with my supposedly aunts, uncles and cousins.  Every time you turned a corner and left the room someone was always reminding someone else that my dad wasn’t our real father.  When I look back, I probably wasn’t really having “daddy issues”, I was having everyone else issues and “mommy issues”.  So what, my dad had a hot temper and used the belt on us and we graduated from the school of hard knocks.  I don’t think I turned out so bad.  Life isn’t always about the sweet things….some times people just got to suck it up and

It will all be worth it!!!

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